Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
