Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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