My first STD was from a foam party
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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