So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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