my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
