You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
