i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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