as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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