My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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