I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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