YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
