We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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