grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
