I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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