Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
