My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
People in love make me want to vomit
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize