She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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