Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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