six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
