but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
