i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
