so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
