The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
