He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
vagina is talking i cant
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
