My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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