glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
