I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
