So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
