jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
