Tell her she can't have a vagina
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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