About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
