He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
