Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
