Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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