I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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