His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
