I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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