evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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