3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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