mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
