Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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