dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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