I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
