until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
