seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
