I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
