Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
