fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
