I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
