I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
