I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
