It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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