Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
