They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
