I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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