so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
