where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
