love makes seman taste better
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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