would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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