I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
