The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
