Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize