i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
