Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
