How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You have to summon your inner elephant
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
