I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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