i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
