I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
