so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
