you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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