if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
