me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
