You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
