that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
