I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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