Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
