Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
