my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
