I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
