names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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