Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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