And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
honey bunches of taint.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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