Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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